Your face is a jimmy john
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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