none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
