Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
