Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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