I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I bet he comes in French.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
