I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
