you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
