When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
