so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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