Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
