That's intense
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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