there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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