you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
