I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
