i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
