Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
