i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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