She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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