I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
