If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
