I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
