Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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