Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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