Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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