this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
