I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize