yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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