omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
