sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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