When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
