around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
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And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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