I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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