obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
