I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
