my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
