he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
