I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
