i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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