I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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