We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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