FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
