Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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