Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
