Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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