I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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