Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
