Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
