Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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