the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
