omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
