I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
