So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
