New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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