Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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