brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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