Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize