It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
