so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
the liver wants what the liver wants
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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