Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
