my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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