We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
