lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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