Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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