If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
