I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
