I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
