just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
