Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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