im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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