My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
