I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
