can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
