Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
